Cage of the Clueless
by Masamune CAN
Summary: ZIM sends Minimoose to go find him entry forms for 'The Best Earth Dweller Ever' contest at the zoo. When Minimoose gets there though, he is captured as a zoo animal. ZIM gets irritated.


INVADER ZIM

#46/A

"Cage of the Clueless"

by CAN

FADE IN:

EXT. ZIM's HOUSE

A bird flys closely by the house and a lawn gnome uses it's eye lasers to blow it up as it tweets happily.

INT. ZIM's HOUSE - THE KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

ZIM stands by the table as GIR ADJUSTs a wire ontop of a radio. STATICY NOISEs come from the machine and elecricutes GIR, who flys across the room, on fire.

GIR (EXCITED)

WOO!! I'M BURNIN'!!!

GIR's head then blows off his head, shatters the KITCHEN WINDOW, and flys out.

ZIM

COME ON, this RADIO THING can't be that hard to work!

ZIM grabs it and shakes it in his hands. The radio sparks profusely and blasts ZIM half-way through the wall oppisite the room. ZIM groans. The radio then begins to WORK, admitting OFFSCREEN VOICEs.

ZIM (IN PAIN)

See, GIR? Not... THAT hard... wow... that kinda hurt...

RADIO VOICE (MALE O.S.)

... and that concludes THAT pointless song. Now, AS ALL THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE OF THE WORLD KNOW, our CONTEST of the most AMAZING EARTH-LIVING BEING EVER takes place this evening at some time, I don't know when...

ZIM falls out of the smashed wall, landing on his face. He immediatly hops back up.

ZIM (EXCITED)

The most AMAZING EARTH-LIVING BEING EVERR?! I live on EARTH! I'm AMAZING! I AM ZIM!

RADIO VOICE (O.S.)

... so IF YOU want to join for a chance to win... uhhh... nothing, actually... but still have people bow to you for being so cool and neat, GO TO THE CITY ZOO AND GET THEM FORMS!

The RADIO suddenly SELF-DESTRUCTs. ZIM doesn't seem bothered by this.

ZIM

INCREDIBLE! Not ONLY will I be recognized as the AMAZINGLY AWESOME BEING I so am, but, apparently, PEOPLE WILL BOW, TOO!

He looks gleeful. SKOODGE then zooms through the BROKEN window, screaming. He lands in front of ZIM.

SKOODGE (WINDED)

Woah... woo... ahhh... oh, hey ZIM. I was just being CHASED by the most HORRIBLE THING I've EVER-

ZIM (NOT LISTENING)

I've got to get to the zoo!

SKOODGE (DISTRACTED NOW)  
Oooh, the ZOO! Neat! I've been interested in what a HIPPO was ever since the kids at SKOOL concluded I am one... a small green one. I can't wait!

ZIM

Ehh... no, SKOODGE. You can't go.

SKOODGE  
Why not?

ZIM

Because you'll have fun. Now, GIR, I want-

He turns to GIR's sparking body, which is headless. He grumbles. SKOODGE stares, wanting to go. ZIM trys to find a way out.

ZIM (TRYING TO FIND A WAY OUT)

Uhh... MINIMOOSE!

(Minimoose floats out of the trashcan. It peeps adorably.)

Yees, my evilly menecing moose minion... I have a VERY important task for you...

EXT. ZIM's HOUSE - THE CULDESAC

The little moose, disguised as a small purple birdy, bobs down the street.

INT. ZIM's HOUSE - CONTINUOUS

SKOODGE looks sad. ZIM turns to GIR's sparking body.

ZIM

Well, Skoodge... I give you permission to WATCH MY TELEVISION as I repair GIR.

ZIM leans out the window to retrieve GIR's head as SKOODGE's sadness is overwelmed with sudden JOY.

SKOODGE (SUDDEN JOY)

Oh, REALLY?! WOW! THAT's SOO GENEROUS! I am eternally greatful, sir!

Skoodge giggles like a giddy child and is about to skip away when he TRIPs over nothing in apparent sight. ZIM now has GIR's head. ZIM sighes.

INT. THE CITY ZOO - CONTINUOUS

There is a stand put up by the GORILLA cage. A man comes to the stand and tries to grab one of the fliers. The gorilla swats at him. He rubs his hand, grunting, and tries again. The gorilla beats him upside the back of the head this time. Annoyed, the man lurches for one and the gorilla PULLS HIM IN THE CAGE with it, screaming. The gorilla leaves with the man still as the zookeepers guarding the gorilla's habitate chuckle.

Minimoose bobs towards the stand now. It peeps. The OTHER ZOOKEEPERS 'awe' in cutenesscome.

ZOOKEEPER 1 ('AWE'ING)

Awwhh... that's cute. Look at the little purple birdy.

ZOOKEEPER 2

I know! I say we put IT in the zoo, too! It's so cute, the people will say, 'Awwhh... that's cute' with us!

ZOOKEEPER 1

Alright!

ZOOKEEPER 1 whips out a net from inside his pants and throws it over the moose. ZOOKEEPER 2 cheers. FADE OUT.

EXT. THE CITY ZOO

Ted Slunchy, the news-anchor for WHUH news, is standing outside of the zoo. There are thousands of people in a line going in. He points behind himself at them all.

TED SLUNCHY

The ZOOKEEPERs are ESCATIC of their new fame. WHO WOULDA THOUGHT A SMALL PURPLE BIRDY COULD ATTRACT SO MUCH ATTENTION??

We PULL out of this scene. It turns out we are ACTUALLY in ZIM's LIVING ROOM. ZIM sits on the couch with NOW-FIXED DOGGY GIR. Onscreen, it cuts to MINIMOOSE, floating in a cage. It squeks happily at the aweing humans. ZIM looks confused.

ZIM (CONFUSED)

Hey! It's MINIMOOSE! But... he's my GOOD slave...

GIR

Lookett that, master... i's that little moose that hangs around here.

ZIM

GIR, I NEED you to go to the zoo and retrieve MINIMOOSE!

GIR

A trip to the zoo??!!

He lets out a shriek of insanitity and activates his jets. He blasts through the door and away. ZIM turns back to the screen. Ted Slunchy is now standing by the cage of moose. He holds his ear-thingamajig, listening to someone.

TED SLUNCHY

The zoo has JUST informed me that they have a NEW ADDITION TO THE PURPLE BIRDY WONDER! Meet... THE STRANGE LUMPY DOGGY!

Ted moves out of the way of the cage so we can see behind him. GIR sits in the center, waving at the people... MINIMOOSE is still in the same place.

INT. ZIM's HOUSE - THE LIVING ROOM

ZIM stares at the screen, looking furious.

ZIM

What the- GIR?? How could that have happened so quickly?!! MUST I do everything??!!

ZIM thinks of the possibities... what to do next. He sighes.

ZIM  
SKOOODGE??!!

SKOODGE had been hiding behind a lamp by the COUCH TABLE the whole time. He steps into sight.

SKOODGE (EAGER)  
Yeah?

ZIM

I have no choice but to allow you to visit the zoo... I NEED MY SLIPS AND MY MINIONS NOW! I want you to protect my AMAZING PERSON FORMS with your pitiful life, then get GIR and MINIMOOSE before they attempt to do anything else stupid.

SKOODGE

YES SIR!

SKOODGE jogs out the door, making squishy noises with each step. ZIM grumbles.

INT. THE CITY ZOO - CONTINUOUS

A SPY-LIKE scene plays... SKOODGE tip-toes into the shot as music matching the scene swells. He has his DISGUISE on and he sulks past the shorter line of humans staring at the moose and the doggy. Skoodge does a dramatic roll underneath the humans legs and trips three people. He jumps up and grabs the bars of the cage. Minimoose peeps in recognition.

SKOODGE

Hiya, Minimoose! I'm here to break ya out of this joint... otherwise ZIM will get mad... AT ME.

GIR

(pointing at Skoodge)

I know YOU!

SKOODGE shakes the bars. They don't budge.

SKOODGE  
Ahh, jeez... they used thier GOOD CAGE MATERIAL! METEL! This might be challenging-

A SILLUETTE FORMS behind Skoodge. As this happens, Skoodge continues to blibber, blibbering blibberfully. It starts to form AROUND ONLY SKOODGE, disillusioning all the other humans...

SKOODGE (COND'T)

-you know what I mean? I can't exactly use my PAK to weld through the metel because there's too many witness to witness my... things to be witnessed... plus, that would leave too much EVIDENCE for ZIM to use AGAINEST me... HOOOLY-

The shadow had completly overwelmed him... the scene FADES OUT as SKOODGE screams OFFSCREEN in the BLACKNESS.

INT. ZIM's HOUSE - THE LAB

ZIM is standing towards the BIG SCREEN. INVADER SLANT is onscreen, looking SEVERELY annoyed.

ZIM (GLOATINGLY)

Hey, SLANT? Pretty EXTREME and AMAZING it is, having a SECRET MISSION from the ALMIGHTY TALLEST, heh? Oh, yeah... YOU WOULDN'T KNOW, BECAUSE I, ZIM, HAVE JUST THAT... and what do you have? An ORDINARY, BORING mission of EFFORTLESS LOSS!

SLANT (CONFUSED)

Effortless... loss?

ZIM (EVILLY)

Yees.

SLANT

Uhhh... alright. But I could tell you, ZIM... I have a secret mission on PLANET OUTLOOK, the INVISIBLE planet with INVISIBLE people who try to SUCK your ORGANs out through your MOUTH to feed on juicy stuff, making it PAINFULLY DIFFUCULT to learn weaknesses and take over the planet. What's your mission-planet's diffuculties?

ZIM

Ehh... um... er... hehh... I AM ZIM!

The message disconnects.

COMPUTER

MASTER! I have some URGENT NEWS!

ZIM (BOTHERED)

What??!

COMPUTER

Uhhmm... just... just take a look at the PLANET's LOCAL NEWs...

The BIG SCREEN has shown the IRKEN LOGO since disconnecting from SLANT... it now switches to... A WHUH NEWS BROADCAST.

INT. THE CITY ZOO - LIVE BROADCASTING

Ted Slunchy stands in front of the cage again. More people have gathered around the show behind him.

TED SLUNCHY

I have some more BREAKING NEWS. Yet another creature has been captured and put in this cage...

Ted moves out of the way. Skoodge is sitting in the cage, leaning on his hands, wearing a RIDICULOUSLY LARGE SHOCK-COLLAR.

TED SLUNCHY

...an apparent NEW SPECIES... or short, ugly hippo. The ZOOKEEPERS have named it after me... TED!

SKOODGE

Why do I have to wear this SHOCK-COLLAR??

A Zookeeper holds a remote. It presses the button and SKOODGE is IMMENSELY ELETRICUTED. He screams. When the PAIN RUSH ends, he smokes, laying limply on the floor. GIR waves to everyone. Minimoose peeps, happily. CUT TO:

INT. ZIM's HOUSE - THE LAB

ZIM watches the minions in the cage. He looks VERY unhappy.

ZIM (FURIOUS)

MUST I GET MY OWN FORMS??! What's WRONG with those THREE??!!

ZIM marches off, ready to spread some ZIMNESS.

INT. CAGE OF MORONIC IDIOTICY - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS

Everyone has cleared off. MINIMOOSE, GIR and SKOODGE are in the cage. Minimoose bobs near the ceiling. Skoodge stares out of the cage, looking bored. GIR snuggles by him. ZIM marches upto the cage.

ZIM

THERE YOU ARE! I THINK I may have aggitated some monkeys while searching for you, but that matters not now... HOW TO GET YOU OUT!

In a surprisely short amount of time, THE ZOOKEEPERS POUNCE on ZIM and throw him in the cage. ZIM looks shocked.

ZIM (COND'T)

What the- WHAT ARE YOU DOING- HEY! You dare touch ZIM?? PRISONIZE HIM, PUT HIM IN A CAGE!!??

ZOOKEEPER 3

(with thumbs in pockets)

Yep.

ZOOKEEPER 2 (EXPECTING PRAISE)

Suurrre did.

ZOOKEEPER 1 (PROUD)

We KNEW that someone would probably try to steal our new stars, so we STOOD GUARD OVERNIGHT!

ZOOKEEPER 3

Ya know what? We deserve a break now. Let's go get some candy.

ZOOKEEPERS

WOOO! CAN-DAY!

They leave, bobbing like happy children. ZIM calls after them.

ZIM (YELLING)

LET ME OUT! FREE ME NOOOOW!!

ZIM shakes the bars. He slips and ALMOST FALLS OUT OF THE CAGE. He backs up, brushing himself off. He had noticed nothing weird about almost slipping out.

ZIM

Well... this DOES give us opportunity to escape...

ZIM moves over to the bars again. All the animals from the other CAGEs watch him intently. ZIM observes the cage. He does for a while, intil he backs up, tutting.

ZIM

Of course... it needed a ZIM to solve... another SKOODGEY mistake.

SKOODGE (WHINING)

What did I do??!

ZIM

Oh, nothing that I know of, but of course you have to have something to do with it... anyhow, watch me. WATCH THE AMAZINGLY SMART ZIIM!

ZIM slides... THROUGH THE BARS! It turns out that the bars are very, VERY wide apart. ZIM jumps out of the cage and onto the ground, posing victorious with the land. Minimoose peeps. Many of the animals in the other cages excret random animal noises. GIR does a flip in the air as he jumps through the bars and Minimoose floats through. Skoodge, full of hope now, jumps up and trys to get through. He can't FIT.

Around the ZOO, many different animals are imitating ZIM. The penguins slide through their cage... to FREEDOM! The monkeys slide through their cage... to FREEDOM! The ELEPHANTs slide through their cage... to FREEDOM! Skoodge still is trying to get out. The hippos slide through their cage... to FREEDOM!

The walruses slide through thier cage... TO FREEDOM! Suddenly, MUFFLED VOICES are heard. ZIM whips around and sees the shadows of the ZOOKEEPERS.

ZIM (HURRIEDLY)

Well, good luck to you, SKOODGE, I must go. MINIMOOSE, GIR! COME!

MINIMOOSE AND GIR float and run ahead of ZIM, cheering and making sounds. ZIM is about to follow them when the AGGITATED MONKEYs attack him from offscreen, pummeling him from behind and throwing him offscreen too. SKOODGE beats on the cage and trys to get out, though is too times bigger then the space between the bars now... the ZOOKEEPERs come around the corner, eating candy.

ZOOKEEPER 1  
HEY, LOOOK! Lumpy Dog and Birdy are GONE! Now we've only got TED! Well, I suppose we can still shock and burn him in order to EVENTUALLY determain his species anyhow, not to mention test shampoo on him.

SKOODGE (TERRIFIED)

NOO! NOO, NOT THE SHAMPOO!

SKOODGE screams as the ZOOKEEPERS WHIP OUT A BOTTLE OF SHAMPOO! ZIM's screams and MONKEY shrieking is heard.

END.

This wouldn't be on the show, but special features are available... RIGHT HERE!

DELETED SCENE...

This scene would've involved ZIM putting the happy child, NICK, in charge of the base while he left. NICK would've made PASTA, accidentally creating a HIDEOUS EXPANDING MUTANT SPAGETTI BEAST, that destroys the kitchen... later, ZIM would've traded this beast to the ZOOKEEPERS for SKOODGE.


End file.
